<font color="#009900">SPORTABOUT:</font> Alternate universes

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Discussion

January 15, 2010

Anonymous The Suwannee Democrat Fri Jan 15, 2010, 12:22 PM EST

By Tom Daniels

While reading Stephen Hawking's "God Created the Integers" I was not the least bit surprised to find out other people knew about alternate universes. They have always existed in sports. As I write I am sure Tiger Woods is looking for one.

Ernie Banks, a tremendous baseball player and good guy, lived in an alternate universe. Every year he predicted the Chicago Cubs would win the pennant. He stood a better chance of discovering a new planet. Terrell Owens lives in an alternate universe as well. Owens is, however, the only one in his universe.

Lane Kiffin and many other college coaches live in an alternate universe called MONEY. They go wherever there is the most of it. Some go from U.S.C. to Oakland to Tennessee to end up right back where they started. Some leave Louisville go to Atlanta and end up in Arkansas. Some leave Duke go to Florida, leave Florida go to Washington D.C and end up in South Carolina. Guys like

Eddie Robinson and Bobby Bowden lived in an alternate universe as well but there's revolved around loyalty. This universe is spotted with the regularity of Halley's Comet.

The most recent alternate universe to be viewed is the one where Mark McGwire lives. He took performance-enhancing drugs through out his Major League career but they did not enhance his performance. These drugs simply kept him healthy and he would have broken a dozen homerun records whether he used them or not. A companion universe to his world exists south of here ... we call it fantasyland.

There is a caveat here, however. There are many other ballplayers whose universe exists on another continent, on a large river. They live in Da Nile. Hopefully in the near future all that water will make them come clean and we can make the alternate universe of drugs the lost one.

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